I’ve been wanting to write this forever. Initially it was going to be a compilation of things folks contributed, but no one contributed. It’s OK, I can do it!!!
You know you’re a cancer mom (or dad) when…
1. You are out of Glad Press ‘n Seal because you used the last of it to cover the EMLA on your child’s port on the way to the ER last night.
2. You check this week’s blood draw results like other people check the weather when making plans.
3. You don’t see anything wrong with going to 3 different fast food joints (for one meal) while on a steroid pulse.
4. The pharmacist knows you by your voice, and has your child’s birth date memorized.
5. Your child, who can’t remember his math facts, can name and identify every one of his medications.
6. The “group” has confused the medications so bad the hospital pharmacist is chasing you down the hall to sort it all out.
7. Your child instructs the ER nurses on how to access their port, and knows what order vitals should be taken in.
8. Your child has a specialist for every body system.
9. You carry EMLA, tegaderms, and a thermometer everywhere you go.
10. Doritos, chocolate cake and orange juice is a perfectly acceptable meal (I don’t CARE what you eat, PLEASE JUST EAT!!!)
11. You tell the nurse at school that 100.3 is NOT a fever.
12. You know what Methotrexate-Induced Leukoencephalopathy is, and the receptionist at the neurologist’s office does not.
13. Wonky IS a medical term.
14. You swear you are going to throat punch the VERY NEXT PERSON who says “I don’t know how you do it!”
15. Your medicine cabinet rivals the shelves at CVS.
16. You know what I mean by “those thingys that go in the tops of medicine bottles”.
17. You have, in the closet, 67 boxes of unopened crayons, 93 coloring books, and 15 fuzzy blankets. You also have 6 Build-a-Bears, complete with IVs, a chemo duck, and a Monkey in my Chair.
18. The hospital nurses know your child’s favorite foods. And the names of their pets. And what you look like in your sleep.
19. While out running errands, your child yells that he wants to go home, and he means the hospital, not your house.
20. You could add 10 more items to this list (and I welcome you to do so!!!).